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THE ROLE OF MEN IN CHILDREN'S LIVES
Fatherhood conference 1994
CHILDREN NEED CONSISTENCY AND SENSITIVITY FROM BOTH PARENTS
Children need a continuing relationship with responsible, sensitive and
caring parents, regardless of the structure of the family. It has been
shown that children can have healthy development in divorced families,
gay and lesbian families, and other types of family structures.
It is
the quality of the relationship that the parents have with the child
that most influences that child's development. Research
has not fully
addressed the special challenges that children may face in alternative
family structures and the strategies that will help children deal
effectively with those challenges.
Research shows that when mothers get strong emotional, financial, and
other support from fathers, children are more likely to be healthier.
This effect holds true even in divorce situations.
A general conclusion from many studies is that father absence
can cause
adverse effects in boys, particularly if father absence occurs before
age 5. Boys show poor school performance, poor
relationships with
peers, problems with impulse control and have a variety of adjustment
issues. The effects of father absence show up later for girls.
Adolescent girls have difficulty in establishing relationships with
other men.
FATHERING IS LEARNED: CHILDREN NEED ROLE MODELS
It is difficult for a boy to understand the responsibilities and
expectations of fathering when there is no father or male role model
present in his life.
FATHERHOOD - A ROLE WITH MANY POSSIBILITIES
There was some discussion regarding the defining of fatherhood and
whether this is a necessary and important task.
Some research has defined four major roles of fathering:
breadwinner,
moral teacher,
sex role teacher and
nurturing father.
Most of the
research has focused on the sex identity role that fathers play; more
recently research has examined the nurturing role of fathers.
There are many other roles that fathers play. Examples include the
"village builder," e.g., actively participating in the neighborhood's
well-being; dad-patrol in schools; Scout leader; and, an elder of an
extended family. There is also a spiritual dimension that fathers
bring to the role and to the family. Thus, fathers define their
roles in many different ways. Research to date does not say much
about what fathers bring that is unique vs. to what extent parental
roles may be interchangeable irrespective of gender.
There is a tension related to the issue of defining fatherhood. It
may
be helpful to do so for researchers and policy makers, but may not be in
the best interests of the child if we define the role (and therefore
prescribe or narrow it). We know that fathers are important in the
lives of children. Let us spend our efforts in getting fathers
more
involved with their children.
FATHER TO FATHER PROGRAMS
Role models are needed for young men and boys to understand what
constitutes a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship between a
father and child. This can be done by mentoring and/or by other
modeling within the community, including such programs as one to one
home visiting and father to father groups. Effective programs that
help to educate men about roles, expectations and responsibilities of
fathering often include a focus on employment, general education, and
mediation skills.
Participants identified several major barriers that prevent men from
active involvement in their children's lives:
1. Men are not reconciled with their own fathers;
2. Men have grown up without male mentors and role models;
3. They have not developed the skills for being involved;
4. There is a lack of livable resources; thus, men are preoccupied with
issues of survival and their own usefulness;
5. There is a lack of support from many arenas, e.g., business,
education, and personal, which doesn't allow men to be fathers.
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