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Children at risk: Whose Baby?
by Barbara King, Parent Educator
Extracts from a presentation given at Working Women’s 20th
Anniversary Lecture.
A child at risk as a child in danger; a child vulnerable to
external forces that may cause temporary or permanent damage
mentally, physically, socially, emotionally or spiritually. The
result of such damage could be an individual whose personality is
distorted by wounds that are deep and smoldering; whose potential
for full and wholesome growth is stunted and blighted.
Who are the children at risk in our nation today?
The children at risk in Trinidad and Tobago today are both girls
and boys (reports from the YMCA, Credo Foundations and other such
organizations tend to suggest more boys than girls). The children at
risk are in the age-group from conception to the age at which they
are considered adults. These are children born into poverty, into
situations of domestic violence, incest, emotional, physical, and
mental abuse. These are children who may be disabled or differently-abled.
At risk are children who are abandoned, neglected,
institutionalized, and those students neglected or discarded by the
education system and teachers within the education system.
Where are they from?
When people think of at-risk their minds tend to go to the
ghettos but there are vulnerable children in the housing
developments, the Trincities, Lange Parks and Westmoorings of our
nation. At risk children do not belong to any one class, race or
creed. But, they do all belong to families. Unsupported single
parents, married couples, families where one or both parents are
unemployed or unemployable; families where there is mental illness,
drug or alcohol abuse, confusion and conflict. A child can be at
risk as an only child or in a family of twelve children.
The point I’m trying to stress here is: that focusing on the
street children and the victims of obvious abuse, the children in
dire circumstances, will NOT fix the problem of hurt and angry young
people.
What about the parents?
Parents are the nurturers and protectors of the young. A typical
definition of the role of the parent from our training groups is: to
raise children who are well-rounded, who can function well as adults
and who contribute positively to society.” And so if a child is
considered to be at risk, it would follow that the parents are
falling short in some way.
Parenting today is unlike any other time in the history of
humanity. Much is expected of parents but, very little is given and
traditional sources of support are dwindling as extended families
are spreading far and wide across the globe. Despite these
challenges it is possible to be effective as a parent if:
- Parenting is done consciously – be aware of what you are
doing and why. Are you raising your child on automatic simply
doing what was done to you and for you? Or are you trying to be
opposite to your parents discarding everything they did?
Understand your motivations.
- Understand your child’s uniqueness – we can all appreciate
that each child is different, in personality or temperament,
learning style, maybe even in dietary preferences. Therefore we
need to adapt our parenting style to suit.
- Understand where your child is at developmentally and match
your expectations to his or her capability.
- Discipline from love not from fear
The way in which a child is disciplined can be the very reason
why the child is at risk. Our concept of discipline is long overdue
for an overhaul. And it is encouraging to see that there is a
distinct increase in the number of parents who understand that
discipline and punishment are not the same thing.
Support structures and services for families
If a child is at risk there is a good likelihood that the parent
is at risk, the family is at risk. A parent cannot provide the
necessary nurturing, love and guidance if he/she is living a life in
chaos; if there is mental illness, substance abuse, or poverty. If
she has to choose between going to work to be able to feed her child
and nursing the child through sickness.
In fact, it is not just a parent or family that raises a child.
Teachers raise our children, television and radio programming are
raising our children, and politicians are raising our children. It
takes a nation to raise a child. A nation that enacts laws to
protect children from all kinds of abuse in the home, in schools and
on the streets. A nation that recognizes the importance of children
and childhood. Only when this happens there will be recognition of
the value, and the importance of healthy, well-functioning parents.
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