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Arima Focus Group Meeting on
Parenting
Report summary
1.
What are parents doing well?
Education:
- They are interested in
children’s education
- Assisting with homework
- Interacting positively
with teachers
- Supporting children’s
dreams and goals
- Showing more interest in
school work
- Getting support for
children – with homework, helping with homework
- Sending children to
school looking neat and tidy
Teaching and guidance
- Teaching moral and spiritual values
- Providing discipline
- Helping children with their attitudes
- Providing guidance
- Talking more about moral values
- Doing what they think is best e.g. sending the children
to school
Relationships
- Concerned about improving
children’s behaviour
- Providing emotional care
- Giving quality time
- Actively listening to
children
- Spending time – doing
activities together
- More supportive – they’re
there for sports etc.
- More open discussions
using correct vocabulary
- Family meetings
Responsibilities:
- Timely meals/balanced
meals– more conscious of healthy foods
- Looking after physical
care
- Providing proper
supervision
- Providing essentials –
books, uniforms etc.
- Extra effort for quality
time
Self care
- Educating
themselves to help their children
2.
What parents need to work on/improve
Education:
-
Develop
children’s reasoning skills
- Better
supervision of homework
- Be
more involved with children’s school
- Support
children by being present and active in their school life.
- More
open-minded in supporting children’s goals – no limits.
- Be
an advocate for your child
- Communicate
with teachers – get their support for observing children’s behaviour
and progress.
- Guide
children in how to select subjects – career guidance
- Understanding
normal child development
- Teach
children about money its value, use and limitations.
Training children
- Help
children to take responsibility for their behaviour
- Spend
time with children
- Use
appropriate methods of discipline and be consistent
- Help
children to delay immediate gratification – learn to wait, to be patient.
- Encourage
healthy development and competitiveness
- Encourage
and guide children in independent decision making
- Give
them responsibilities – chores
- Focus
on their genuine needs rather than just giving what children want
- Give
attention rather than gifts
- Discipline
– not punishment
- Teach
respect for authority, property and people
- Teach
manners/etiquette
Relationships
- Learn
ways of communicating more clearly
- Keep
building and developing your relationship with your child
- Listening
actively and with patience - try to understand what the child means
- Raising
of boys, training for relationships -
what it means to be a man/ husband
- Give
respect to the children
- Give
children space to express their views
- Listen
to them – value their opinions
- Make
time for family activities and for time with individuals
Own behaviour
- Monitor
your words in front of children
- Be
always truthful
- Practicing
what you preach
- Be
willing to apologize
- Accept
responsibility for your behaviour
- Be
more patient
- Attend
to your own needs
- Examine,
share and develop your spiritual values
- Be
observant – know what the child is doing, who friends are: - check bags,
pockets etc.
- Educate
yourself, keep learning as a life-long activity
- Understand
what parenting is about – before becoming a parent
- Make
use of Counseling services for parents, children and teachers
- Management
of finances – financial education for parents and children
Support needed from others
- On
the job counseling for parents – e.g. police, army - Employee Assistance
Programmes
- Support
systems for parents e. g. daycare, afterschool
care.
3. What gets in the way of parents participation
in their child’s education?
- Fear
– they are afraid of teachers/authority figures, the system. They feel small
and powerless. Low self esteem.
- Time and work demands – make it impossible to be
available at the times meetings are scheduled. Some parents work shifts, others
may be away from home for long hours because of transportation problems.
- Employers not supportive
- Parenting demands –e.g. other/younger children to take care of – lack of
support.
- Absentee parents – some parents may be overseas, others are emotional tied up in
other issues and some are not part of raising the child,-
prison, divorce, separated.
- Financial resources are limited and so they are the primary focus.
- Domestic problems/abuse
- Lack of education/miseducation
– some parents feel unable to help because their own educational skills are limited.
- Parents past experience with teachers in the school, or their own unpleasant
memories of being at school.
- Tiredness/Busy parents – parents have a lot to do and may not be willing or
able to give time.
- Mental illness – genetic, trauma induced or as a result of substance abuse
- Peer pressure – influenced by others priorities inappropriate for parenting
- Lack of support – overwhelmed
- Parents looking and TV or doing other things
- Crowded homes – chaos makes it difficult to function properly
- Interfering relatives causing conflict in raising children, parent may feel
powerless and frustrated – children take advantage of the situation.
- Dishonesty
- Illegal activity – sets poor example for the child, confusing.
- Inability to prioritize, set goals
- Teacher and societal attitudes – teachers sometimes treat parents as children,
disrespectful references to parents in front of children.
- Parent perceptions of teacher’s role as the one responsible for the
education of children. So the parent feels they only have to get the child to
school.
- Lack of information/education themselves, can’t pass on anything to children
- Lack of opportunities to do
things in the school
- Lack of/poor communication between school and parents
- School is “forbidding” – keep out
- Teachers are interrupted when parents just drop in.
- Poor attendance, by teachers at PTA meetings
- Dictatorial principals – do not seek parents’ opinion,
just issue rules, orders and commands.
- Parents not knowing how to
communicate concerns
appropriately.
- Need for intermediary/negotiator in issues of conflict
- Parent-teacher conflicts –sense that teachers don’t like
parents and vice versa.
- Aggressive attitude/approach of some parents is responded to
in a like manner by some teachers - adding to the problem.
4.
What can do teachers do to help parents?
Individually
- Overcome
our own negative feelings
- Get
information
- Attend
seminars etc.
- Give
more realistic homework
- As
parents, become more involved
- Be
advocates for school/children
- Provide
individual attention
- Teachers
need to learn how to communicate effectively with parents on sensitive issues:
Focus on high points of parents – before speaking about negative. Be a role
model
- Visit
home of troubled children
- “Adopt” (mentor) a child – give them
alternative family experiences
- Set
reasonable meeting times
- Meetings
to explain what child is learning
As a school/team
- Hold
workshops at school, e.g.
- Do
role play in parent’s meetings
- Provide
a homework centre
- Literacy
classes for parents
- Set
up parent support groups
- Educate
parents on Homework support
- Make
school more teacher/parent friendly
- Develop Projects for personal
development of parents – skills
- Teach children how to cope in a
racially mixed home (identity issues)
- How to cope in challenging
situations
- Establish
Support groups
- Access
counseling services – referrals (more counseling needed)
- Bonding
and connecting in school - include parents in decision making. Share expertise:
- Use
skills and talents of parents to support the school’s development
- Fundraising
- Parent days - while students are working in
class
- Parents as substitute teachers
– supervise class in
teachers’ absence
- Create
activities that involve parent & child e.g. sports,
- Set
clear rules/lines of demarcation for parents responsibilities
- Clear
understanding of homework purpose, parent role etc.
As a nation
- Establish
more groups for children - with activities especially for shift school children
- children can be supervised, play - constructive activities e.g. life
centres,
- Enact
laws making parents accountable for actions of child
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