|
Have parents really given up on
parenting?
by Barbara King, Parent Educator, T&T Innovative Parenting
Support
Though it may seem as though the vast majority of parents have
given up on parenting, as suggested by President Richards recently,
my experience is that the vast majority of parents have not. Despite
numerous challenges physical, environmental, financial or emotional,
the parents I encounter are working very hard to be good parents, at
the very least, to be in some way better than their own parents.
While I agree that many parents seem not to be parenting well or
at all, it is important to look beneath the surface. Ask why? Then
really look at what is happening to parents in Trinidad and Tobago
in 2006.
To see them at work or walking on the road they may look well
turned out or sharply dressed, because that is what is expected of
them, but the reality is many parents are doing what I think of as
“survival parenting”. That is: doing the best to make sure there is
a home for the family and food for the next meal. They are ensuring
that the utility bills can be paid, and that they can find the money
to cover the medical bills and medicines so many children need, so
often. And above all they are doing their best to keep the jobs they
have because while they may not be the best – a bad income is better
than no income.
Once the basic survival issues are covered and future income is
secured to cover the survival issues, they could move on to the next
level of parenting (using Maslow’s hierarcy) which is providing a
sense of safety and security, then on to providing a sense of loving
and belonging, higher on to building self esteem and respect for
others and higher still to supporting the child’s achievement of
his/her potentials. However, the minute the survival issues are
threatened the parenting level drops back to the very basics.
It often seems that society expects parents to be performing at
high levels when there has been little or no effort at providing the
foundation levels or significant support structures.
Some parents are expected to perform miracles with monthly
incomes that match some families’ grocery bills alone. From that
they have to pay rent and utility bills, for daycare, preschools,
transportation and of course food and medical expenses. While other
parents have a generous income and material wealth but have to sell
their souls to their employers in return.
Parents are disempowered by systems that have them working long
hours or 7 days a week for poor wages with no recourse. This society
allows vulnerable parents to be penalized for staying home to take
care of sick children or for visiting a teacher to find out how the
child is getting on. And we ignore or scorn the wounded people in
our society who bear children for misguided reasons, or because they
were the victims of their own family’s dysfunction.
Many of the parents who are failing to parent as the society
wants them to, are people simply just trying to keep themselves and
their children alive and functioning. When that is the focus of
attention the “frills” like building self-esteem and teaching them
social responsibility take second or third place.
It is good that we are finally paying attention to the state of
the nation’s children. If we find a cause for concern (or is it
fear?), yes it is because the quality of parenting is a cause for
concern. But if the quality of parenting is a cause for concern it
must be because the state of our society is a cause for serious
concern. Our children and our parenting are a reflection of our
nation. Which one would you fix first? |
