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How to Make Your Kids Do Homework
(Without Having a Nervous Breakdown Yourself)
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Tired of arguing, nagging, and struggling with your kids to get them
to do homework? Are you discovering that bribing, threatening, and
punishing don't yield positive results? If so, this article is for you.
Here you will find the three laws of homework along with eight homework
tips that — if implemented in your home with consistency and an open
heart — will reduce study time hassles significantly.
The First Law of Homework: Most children do not like to do homework.
Children do not enjoy sitting and studying, at least not after having
spent a long school day comprised mostly of sitting and studying. So
give up your desire to have your child like it. Focus on getting him or
her to do it.
The Second Law of Homework: You cannot make your child do it.
You cannot make your child learn. You cannot make your child hold a
certain attitude. You cannot make your child move his or her pencil.
While you cannot insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by
sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage your child using the
ideas that follow.
The Third Law of Homework: It's your child’s problem.
Your child’s pencil has to move. His or her brain needs to engage.
Your child’s bottom needs to be in the chair. It is your child’s report
that he or she brings home.
Too many parents see homework as their own problem. So they create
ultimatums, scream and shout, threaten, bribe, scold, and withhold
privileges. Have you noticed that most of these tactics don’t work?
The parent’s responsibility is to provide his or her child with an
opportunity to do homework. The parent’s job is to provide structure, to
create the system. The child's job is to use the system.
Tip #1
Eliminate the word “homework” from your vocabulary. Replace it with
the word “study.” Have “study” time instead of “homework” time. Have a
“study” table instead of a “homework” table. This word change alone will
go a long way toward eliminating the problem of your child saying, "I
don't have any homework." Study time is about studying, even if your
child doesn’t have any homework. It’s amazing how much more homework
children have when they have to study regardless of whether they have
homework or not.
Tip #2
Establish a study routine. This needs to be the same time every day.
Let your child have some input on when study time occurs. Once the time
is set, stick to that schedule. Children thrive on structure even as
they protest. It may take several seeks for the routine to become a
habit. Persist. By having a regular study time, you are demonstrating
that you value education.
Tip #3
Keep the routine predictable and simple. One possibility includes a
five-minute warning that study time is approaching, bringing your
child’s current activity to an end, clearing the study table, emptying
the backpack of books and supplies, and then beginning.
Tip #4 Allow your child to make choices about homework and related
issues. He or she can choose to do study time before or after dinner or
immediately after getting home. Or your child may choose to wake up
early in the morning to do it. Invite your child to choose the kitchen
table or a spot in his or her own room. One choice your child does not
have is whether or not to study.
Tip #5
Help without overfunctioning. Help only if your child asks for it. Do
not do problems or assignments for your child.
When your child says, "I can't do it," say, “Act as if you can.” Tell
your child to pretend that he or she knows what to do and to see what
happens. Then leave the immediate area, and let your child see if he or
she can handle it from there. If your child keeps telling you he or she
doesn't know how and you decide to offer help, concentrate on asking
rather than on telling.
Ask:
- "What do you get?"
- "What parts do you understand?"
- "Can you give me an example?"
- "What do you think the answer is?"
- "How could you find out?"
Tip #6
If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Disorganization
is a problem for many school-age children. If you want your child to be
organized, you have to invest the time to help your child learn an
organizational system. Your job is to teach the system. Your child’s job
is to use it. Yes, check occasionally to see if the system is being
used, especially at first. Provide direction and correction where
necessary.
If your child needs help with time management, teach him or her time
management skills. Help your child learn what it means to prioritize
according to the importance and due date of each task. Teach your child
to create an agenda each time he or she sits down to study. Help your
child experience the value of getting the most important things done
first.
Tip #7
Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal
responses. End the practice of paying for grades or rewarding with a
special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short-term
gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifelong love
of learning.
Instead, make positive verbal comments that concentrate on describing
the behavior you wish to encourage. For example:
"You followed the directions exactly and finished in 15 minutes."
"I notice you stayed up late last night working on your term paper.
It probably wasn't easy saving that much for the end, but your efforts
got it done."
"All your letters are right between the lines. I'll bet your teacher
won't have any trouble reading this."
"I see you got the study table all organized and ready to go early.
Looks to me like initiative and responsibility hooked together."
Tip #8
Use study time to get some of your own responsibilities handled. Do
the dishes, fold laundry, or write thank you notes. Keep the TV off! If
you engage in fun or noisy activities during that time, your child will
naturally be distracted. Study time is a family commitment. If you won’t
commit to it, don’t expect your child to do so.
Special Note: Tonight when your child is studying, begin on your
homework assignment, which follows. Reread this article. Decide which
parts of it you want to implement. Determine when you will begin. Put it
in writing. Then congratulate yourself for getting your homework done.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
“The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose" and ”Couple Talk: How to
Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship" (available from Personal Power
Press at (toll-free) 877-360-1477). They also publish FREE email
newsletters, one for parents and another for couples. Subscribe to one
or both at ipp57@aol.com. Visit
www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com |
