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Spare the Rod
by Thomas Haller, Respons-able Parenting Newsletter
As an ordained minister I spent 8 years learning the Hebrew and
Greek language so as to study the Bible in its original language.
Since that time, almost 20 years ago, I have spent many laboring
hours preparing sermons and writing Bible studies on topics of
marriage, love, money, miracles, gifts of the Spirit, parenting, and
most importantly the Grace of God as seen through our Lord and
Savior Jesus Christ. It was with great respect for the scriptures
that I undertook a call to raise the consciousness of parents
throughout the world. It is with this same respect and conviction
that I offer a look at a Biblical perspective on spanking.
Christian parents frequently seek the Bible in their effort to
raise godly children. They believe that there is a biblical mandate
to spank and they fear that if they don't spank, they will commit
the sin of losing control of their child. They believe that God has
commended them to spank and they take “spare the rod and spoil the
child” literally. In doing so they misunderstand the concept of the
rod. The following are the biblical verses which have caused the
greatest confusion:
“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is
careful to discipline him.” (Proverbs 13:24)
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. But the rod of
discipline will drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with
the rod he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul
from death.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)
“The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself
disgraces his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)
At first glance these verses seem to be in strong support of the
use of corporal punishment. But are they really? A closer
examination of the Hebrew word for “rod” (shebet), sheds more light
on the subject. In the Hebrew dictionary “rod” has various meanings;
a stick for walking, writing, fighting, ruling, and punishment. The
word “shebet” is most frequently used when referring to shepherds
who are tending their flocks. The shepherds used the stick to fight
off prey and to gently guide wandering sheep, not strike them for
being out of line.
The verses that contain this material were written in poetic
form. Writers of poetry typically use familiar words of the day to
represent concepts and create imagery of what they are writing
about. The “rod” can as easily be interpreted as a gentle guide as
it can a stick for hitting children.
The image that I believe we are to extract from these verses in
Proverbs is one of creating a culture of accountability in our
families. The point that God is making here is that we as parents
are to hold our children accountable for their choices and actions.
That is His desire.
There are many ways to hold a child accountable and corporal
punishment (spanking) does not have to be one of them.
Reread the passages above again and replace the references to
punishment and the use of the rod with the word “accountability” and
notice what happens.
For example:
Proverbs 13:24 would read, “He who spares accountability hates
his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
Proverbs 22:15 would read, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a
child. But holding him accountable will drive it far from him.”
Proverbs 23:13-14 would read, “Do not withhold discipline from a
child; if you create a culture of accountability he will not die.
Create accountability and save his soul from death.”
Proverbs 29:15 would read, “The culture of accountability imparts
wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother.”
As Christians, we believe that the Bible is the inspired word of
God. Yet some Christians hold fast to interpreting the “rod” in the
Proverbs passages as a mandate to spank. They interpret the passages
written many years ago in the language of the time with today’s
words and context. They take the passages literally, staunchly
claiming that that’s what the Bible says.
But what about these passages?
“Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to
death.” (Exodus 21:15)
“If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.
He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his
own head.” (Leviticus 20:9)
Almost every parent would admit that their child has said, “I
hate you,” or “You’re not the boss of me,” at one time or another.
But no one argues that their child should be put to death in these
cases.
No, children don’t need to be put to death and they don’t need to
be spanked either. They do need to be held accountable for their
actions and choices however. The Bible simply does not support
spanking. It supports holding children accountable. It says, “train
a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn
from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) “Training” does not mean spanking,
hitting, or any other form of corporal punishment.
Chick and I believe that creating a culture of accountability is
the most loving thing you can do for your children. We believe in
holding children accountable within a model that Jesus gave us. In
the New Testament Jesus modified the Old Testament by providing us
with a model of gentleness and love. He changed the eye for an eye
approach and called for turning the other cheek and forgiving seven
times seventy.
Consider these inspired words of God in your parenting:
“Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up
in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
“Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become
discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)
“What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love
with a gentle spirit?” (Corinthians 4:21).
Become an enlightened parent, one who is moved and inspired by
the word of God that calls for grace, gentleness, forgiveness, and
love in all that you do. Challenge yourself to create a Christ-like
approach to parenting. Seek strategies and techniques that enable
you to parent to the soul of your child.
Refrain from using the Bible as an excuse to spank. Use it
instead to help you create a higher vision of yourself as a parent
and to become the parent you always wanted to be.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the
world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring,
confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents.
To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help
you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website
today:
http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com//refer.php?s=25357295&u=697969>www.personalpowerpress.com
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